Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
