I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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