i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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