We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's the barista slut.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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