Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
