My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
