hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
