Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
