you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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