he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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