i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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