she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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