Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
