I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
