Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Terrible idea I love it
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Randomize
