I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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