What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
