I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
