And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm at about main and main street
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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