Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
