i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
