I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
