Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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