Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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