He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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