You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
