before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
