Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
