grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
