having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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