I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
