how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
