Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
