he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
