She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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