Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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