yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
