I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
