and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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