i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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