Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
