Cold hands, warm shart.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
