he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
