i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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