i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
