Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
