Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize