people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Mom said you looked used
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
