onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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