I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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