I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
COCAINE IS GR8
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
