covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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