the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
