Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
