He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
