dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
