Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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