i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
