Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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