So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize