is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
