That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
